Strange things
by FunahoMisaki
Summary: I have no clue what this is. I literally dreamed up most of this story and it wouldn't stop bugging me until I wrote it so yeah here's this. Zack and Ivy invite both VILE and ACME agents over to spend Christmas with them at their house in Wisconsin only Carmen and three other women take up this invite from VILE. And let's just say they're in for a big surprise that isn't an ambush.
1. Chapter 1

**Carmen Christmas**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and what would happen if Zack invited Carmen and whichever of her henchmen she wanted to bring over to his and Ivy's place for Christmas? Well…there's only a few other ACME agents and it's no trap but…well things aren't always what they seem. AU OOC)**

"Oh hey you all made it! Welcome to our Wisconsin house." Zack said answering the door with a grin as he looked at the four women standing outside. Carmen was looking surprised, Dara was shocked, Sara just seemed a bit surprised, and Hannah? She was just cold. She didn't even care about the four story mansion in front of her, she was just shivering heavily since she was wearing her Hawaii outfit. They were all carrying bags and suitcases as well.

"Come on in. Poor Hannah looks like she's going to freeze." Zack said opening the door wider and inviting them in as he grabbed some of the suitcases. The four were supposed to stay a week or so after all.

"Hey sis!" Zack called, yelling through the house as the four women walked into the pleasantly warm house, poor Hannah was more used to tropical weather though and so she was still shivering.

"DON'T CALL ME SIS!" The shout came back twice as loud as usual as a spatula came flying out of a nearby door and smacked Zack in the head.

"Ow! For fucks sake Ives the spatula?" Zack shouted holding his head where the spatula had struck with such startling accuracy, although the four VILE women were more shocked at the curse that slipped from the boys lips.

"Shit! I need that back!" Ivy called causing a snickering Tatyanna to walk into the room and grab the offending object.

"Oh hey Carmen, Professor, Dara, Hannah. Great to see you made it." Tatyanna said smiling at the four before moving back to the doorway that Ivy's voice and the spatula had come from.

"They're here already? Fuck Zack why didn't you tell me?" Ivy called earning a scowl from her brother.

"Because you threw a spatula at me you psycho bitch!" Zack shouted back as Ivy appeared at the doorway, causing Carmen and Dara's jaws to drop slightly at the sight of the girl. She was wearing a Christmas sweater with the Grinch on it, a pair of black leather pants, and she had a pair of fuzzy Pikachu socks on her feet. The thing that stunned the VILE women most was the fact that she was wearing a pair of simple but stylish glasses and the sweater had the words 'Merry Fucking Christmas Whovile' stitched on it.

"Welcome to our home bladda bladda all that good shit. Main rules are that you have fun, don't go in Zack's room or the kitchen, and all fights are merely playful sparring. Help yourself to anything else though. Zack you mind giving them a tour and getting Hannah to the winter clothes? She looks like she's about to freeze her tits off." Ivy said looking at the heaviest and yet gentlest of the four VILE women who was still shivering.

"You're a lot cruder than I remember." Sara said staring at the red head who shrugged her shoulders.

"When on the job I act professional, but unless there's an emergency case every ACME agent especially the Junior ones, are off duty for the next two weeks. I can be as unprofessional and crude in my own fucking house as I want to be. Excuse me." Ivy said scowling as she turned back around and disappeared through the doorway.

"Tatyanna if you don't get the fuck out of my kitchen and stop trying to 'taste test' everything I'm going to bend your tight Russian ass over that counter and turn you into my bitch!" Ivy could be heard yelling, causing Zack and Dara to crack up as the other three gaped in disbelief.

"So testy!" Tatyanna laughed as she ran from the kitchen and skidded to a stop before she could run into Hannah who was still shivering and yet blushing brightly at the words out of Ivy's mouth.

"You are really trying Ivy's patience about her kitchen Tatyanna." Aileen said from where she was snickering at a nearby doorway with Jasmine not far behind.

"It's fun, she's so protective of it." The blond Russian said grinning as the three female detectives looked at the VILE women.

"Don't just stand there come on further in. There's a fire in the living room that Jasmine and I have camped out in front of. I had no idea that it was so cold here when I accepted the invite." Aileen said moving and letting them see the fire in the chimney through the doorway.

"You two never saw snow until you got here two days ago." Zack said dryly before looking back at the women.

"Come on. We already have rooms set up for you four and we got a whole wardrobe of spare winter cloths you all can have. I'll show you to your rooms so you can put your stuff down and each room has a winter wardrobe so you can get some warmer cloths." Zack said smiling at the women as he walked over to the stairway near the back of the large house.

"Here. If you are as new to snow as Aileen then you might want this until you get to the cloths." Tatyanna said taking a fluffy blanket from off of a chair nearby and handing it to Hannah.

"Bless you." Hannah said gratefully as she wrapped herself in the blanket.

"Do you three need a blanket as well? I doubt those cloths are very warm." Jasmine asked as she eyed the other three women, especially Dara who was just wearing her usual leotard.

"Carmen and myself have insular warming devices built into our cloths to keep us at a comfortable temperature." Sara said smugly and earning a glare from Hannah.

"And you didn't think to share some with me?" Hannah asked glaring at the scientist who shrugged.

"I thought she had and that you were just unused to the climate." Carmen said frowning at Sara as well.

"Her constant superstitions annoyed me." Sara said earning a scowls from Hannah.

"Smug bitch." Hannah muttered under her breath, earning a snort from Dara.

"The cold means nothing if you're disciplined enough." Dara said crossing her bare arms unbothered and earning a snort from Carmen.

"Huh you're just like Ivy then. Cold doesn't bother her either." Aileen said earning a surprised look from Dara.

"Then why was she wearing a sweater?" Sara challenged making Ivy appear in the kitchen doorway again with a small shrug.

"Zack made it for me." Ivy said making the women look at Zack surprised and he just blushes embarrassed.

"Now why are you four still standing in the opening? Zack show them around already! You can go almost anywhere you want by the way. But you need permission from the room's occupants before you enter another persons bedroom, Zack's room is permanently off limits, and if you step a foot in my kitchen I'm going to shank all four of your asses." Ivy said making the four women look surprised and Carmen and Dara looked amused at the threat.

"He's fourteen. Why would we _want_ to go in his room?" Sara asked earning narrowed eyes from the older sister who uncrossed her arms and took a step forward.

"He uses his bedroom as his main lab for his inventions. He keeps most of the less violate ones there so he can tinker with them if he's stuck in bed, I catch any of you in his room and your asses are _mine_." Ivy growled out darkly and making the women back up a few steps when they noticed the knives in her hand. Even Carmen wouldn't try to sneak into Zack's room and risk Ivy's wrath at that moment.

"Come on. I'll show you the house before Ivy starts getting into her _really_ protective mood." Zack said quickly grabbing Hannah and Carmen's hands and tugging them to the stairway.

"She can get worse?" Sara asked with a slight wince, remembering how easily the slim looking red head was able to throw machines and grown men as if they were toys.

"Oh you've seen nothing yet. You should have heard the threats she was muttering when Lee cut that cord and nearly got us hurt. She was pissed at him hurting me and if he didn't have Carmen as a hostage when we caught him at that bank she would have broken his face and most of the bones in his body before snapping his neck. Trust me it wouldn't be the first time she's done it." Zack said wincing as he led them up two flights of stairs to where the bedrooms were located.

"You mean Ivy killed someone?" Carmen asked her eyes widening as she stared at the boy who was holding her gloved hand in his own without thinking much about it.

"Someone? Her kill count is almost in the triple digits by now. Of course usually the people deserve it, if not in Ivy's mind then in the governments." Zack said giving Carmen a weird look.

"How does someone deserve death and why would Ivy be the one to carry it out?" Sara asked frowning, the girl was seventeen she shouldn't have a kill count. Much less one so high.

"Ivy killed her first person when she was seven, I was four. A man broke into our New York apartment that we were living in with mom and dad. He killed our parents right in front of us and he was coming for me next, I remember that much. I remember he was standing over me with a knife and then Ivy came at him with a knife. She tackled him around the legs and knocked him down, I remember her trying to wrestle with him but he was a grown man and she was _seven_. Eventually he grabbed her and moved to stab her first, her knife got him in the neck before he could stab her. I remember the blood spraying and the man toppling over." Zack said his eyes far away while the others were wide eyed and Carmen was frozen. She had no clue that the two detectives were orphans, or that Ivy had killed anyone before.

"Her second kill was when she was ten, an older boy at the orphanage was going to rape her. She punched him in the throat over and over and over until he stopped moving. Her third kill was…I think when she was fourteen? She had just joined ACME, her first case actually, and the info was wrong. The guy had holed up in an apartment with a small family and a gun. Ivy took the sniper rifle from one of the responding police teams and shot him through two walls and hit him in the head before he could kill the little girl. Or was that her fourth kill? Kills number five through ninety-two were assignments from the age of fourteen to when she was sixteen." Zack said his eyes far away as he recalled learning about each kill his sister had committed. She had never hidden what she had to do from him.

"There were rumors and myths about her in ACME, but not many knew she really was real much less who she was. Only the higher ups and a few of those she had saved. They called her the Valkyrie." Jasmine said softly from behind them, making the women turn to look at her while Carmen looked shocked at the title.

"The Valkyrie? I remember hearing about her. She was the once sent after the most dangerous of criminals and she never failed a mission. Most of the underworld fears her." Carmen said making Zack snicker.

"That sounds like Ivy, able to scare the entire underworld because of her job. She was only sent after the most dangerous criminals. Terrorists, arsonists, mass murderers, sex traffickers… even things like mafia and gang members. When I joined ACME though she 'resigned' as the Valkyrie in order to stay close to me and make sure I wasn't trained as she was. She didn't want me to become a human weapon." Zack said shaking his head as he led the four down an entire wing of the mansion with Jasmine following.

"I'm not sure who her ninety-fifth kill was, just that he had been holding an orphanage hostage and Ivy happened to be nearby. The ninety-sixth kill was a man who had stabbed me. She killed him with her bare hands." Zack wrapped it up as he walked over to a set of doors. By his tone alone they could tell that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. Jasmine just nodded to the group and split from them to enter a red door with her name written on it in white.

"Okay this is where everyone's rooms are set up, Ivy and I spent the last week or so since you confirmed you were coming setting them up for you all. Hannah this one is yours, we figured you'd be better in a warmer room than most of the rest of us so you're right in between Aileen and Jasmine. All three of you have warm almost tropical rooms and I hope you don't mind but we gave your room a mix between Hawaii and Southern USA theme. We know you're superstitious so we made sure you didn't have any bad luck things in there." Zack said stopping in front of a brown door with the word 'Hannah' written on it in green.

"This is wonderful Zack! You two didn't have to go through all this trouble for me." Hannah said as the door to the room, which was as big as a hotel apartment, was opened and showed the warm comfortable looking room. Hannah had tears in her eyes as she looked at all of the lucky things that were gathered in the room.

"Oh it was no problem. We wanted you to be comfortable after all, besides I like designing things and it's always great to meet another person who respects that most superstitions started somewhere and that there's always some truth to them." Zack said as Dara separated Hannah's stuff from the rest of theirs to put it down in front of the door.

"Go ahead and settle in, you can crank up the heat as much as you need to in order to feel comfortable too. I'll come grab you when we resume the tour in a little bit." Zack said smiling at the woman who pulled him into a big hug that he returned with a laugh.

"You have a gift for designing things it seems." Carmen said smiling slightly as Zack closed the door after helping Hannah move her bags into the inside of the room.

"I was sick a lot as a kid so I would spend a lot of that time just making up new designs and playing games. Back then most of the designs were for Ivy or a few of the other kids at the orphanage that we made friends with, after we moved into our parents homes when Ivy joined ACME I started making up designs for rooms. Whenever I would meet new people that Ivy deemed as good I would start designing stuff for them too. If Ivy deemed someone good enough to trust me meeting them, then that meant they were actually good people no matter what choices they make. That's why we're never really scared of you three, Ivy deemed each of you good…" Zack said trailing off when he stopped at a grey door that had Sara's name written in blue.

"This room is yours professor Bellum. It's a little colder than Hannah's but there's a heater in there if it's too cold for you. I thought you might like a science theme." Zack said opening the door and showing the scientist the room while they were struck speechless at hearing that someone deemed them as good.

"It's wonderful Zack. Thank you." Sara said her accent out in full force as she looked at the technology and machines available in one corner of the room, but her eyes widened behind her goggles at the other wall of the room which were of a Ukrainian beach and then the other was of a Ukrainian countryside.

"I noticed your accent and brought it up with Ivy. She said it sounded more Ukrainian with a bit of Spain but had bits of other European accents in it as well. We looked up your file and found out you immigrated from Ukraine for college so I thought I'd add in a bit of your home country to the design. I hope it's alright." Zack said sheepishly and a bit nervous at the shock on the professors face.

"It's perfect Zack. Thank you." The scientist near whispered as she hugged the boy who hugged her back without hesitation.

"Oh it's thanks to Ivy I was able to get it just right. Ukraine is an anti-ACME country so I wasn't able to go there myself. Valkyrie had to go last year for a height-priority target though so Ivy had taken some pictures for me back then. I just used the pictures as a base. She's also the one behind most of the more restricted stuff we got for you to mess with if you were bored, she still has a lot of contacts from her Valkyrie days." Zack said smiling as the scientist quickly pulled away and tried to fix her face into her normal impassive or rather maniacal look.

"I'll come get you in a little while for the rest of the tour, get comfortable." Zack said smiling at the woman before closing the door.

"Ivy has underworld contacts. That explains a few thing." Carmen said realizing that it explained a few things about how the girl knew certain things or was able to get away with doing certain things.

"You haven't seen half of the things she could do with her contacts. This one is yours Dara. Ivy did most of it." Zack said walking two doors down and to a door that was purple with 'Dara' written in silver.

"Girls got good tastes." Dara said with a grin when she saw the light work out equipment in her room and the comfortable but rather energetic theme her room had.

"If you think this is good you should see the gym we've got or Ivy's personal obstacle course. I'll come get you for the tour in a few." Zack said grinning at the woman who took her suitcases and bags and took them into her room.

"Your room is right in between Dara's and Ivy's. Mine is in between Dara and Professor Bellum's." Zack said pointing out the doors in question as he led Carmen over to the red door with her name written on it in black.

"We didn't know what theme you'd like best but we found a few other things we thought you'd like and kind of worked with what we knew." Zack said sheepishly as he opened Carmen's door. The inside was a calming mix of blues and greens with some grey as well. There were posters and pictures from all over the world and plenty of artifacts and knick-knacks from various corners of the globe.

"This is perfect Zack, thank you and I will make sure to thank your sister as well." Carmen said smiling slightly as she looked around the room.

"No problem. You can keep any of the artifacts in here if you want too. They belong to me and Ivy but if you like them then you can have em, we just use them for decoration mostly." Zack said earning a surprised look from the thief.

"Go ahead and get settled. It'll be a few minutes before the tour so get comfy." Zack said as he helped her put her bags in the room and then left with a smile and wave.

Carmen gave a smile and small wave back as she began to check the room over. There was nothing. No listening devices, no recorders, no cameras, nothing but the room and the vase of flowers with the note beside it.

'Dear Carmen, hope you don't mind but we took the liberty of looking up any information there was on other girls from your orphanage. We thought you might want to talk to some of them so we left a list of their names and their last known numbers as of two days ago. If you don't want to that's fine but we thought you might like the option. Love, Ivy and Zack.'

Carmen gave a soft smile as she read the note, that was very sweet of the two detectives. Another note fell down beside the first and Carmen picked it up curiously.

'P.S. We left you a gift in the third drawer of the dresser, it's not one of your Christmas presents so you'll still get plenty of gifts. We just thought we'd let you know how we saw you and why we were so broken up when you were reported dead. Ivy put it in here but be warned she'll probably get all embarrassed and shy if you decide to wear it. It's hilarious to watch. Love Zack.'

Carmen raised an eyebrow as she read the note and then looked at the specified drawer. Opening it and pulling out the sweater she found in it.

Carmen was torn between laughing and crying when she read the sweater.

"The best thieves make the best moms to detectives." Turning it around to look at the back she really did laugh.

"And I'm the best damn thief in the world."

Carmen laughed until she felt tears in her eyes. God did she love those two detectives.


	2. Chapter 2

**Carmen Christmas**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Ready for the tour?" Zack asked looking at the women, grinning at the women, especially when he saw that Carmen was wearing the sweater that he had made.

"Yes, I must say this is rather warm Zack and well made. Thank you." Carmen said smiling at the boy who ginned wider at her as the others looked at the sweater.

"Nice boss." Dara said grinning as her boss hugged Zack, showing the back of her sweater to her coworkers.

"That's priceless." Sara said snickering as Carmen released him and turned to them, showing the front of the sweater to the now cackling women.

"Now on the fourth floor is the indoor greenhouse. If we go downstairs though then we have more rooms." Zack said grabbing Carmen and Sara's hands and pulling them towards the stairs again.

"You got Mary-Jane in that greenhouse?" Sara asked teasingly, just teasing the boy and not expecting him to take the question seriously or even know what Mary-Jane was. Zack paused and frowned for a second as he tilted his head.

"I'm not sure really. I think we have some in the far back corner but I'm not sure if it's near the African Strangler and other carnivorous plants or if it's on the side with the Ruti and Doll's Eyes. Ivy doesn't mind me going to those ends of the greenhouse when she's with me but I'm not allowed to do it by myself so I'm not too sure. I mainly tend to the herb and vegetable parts of the green house." Zack said thinking about it while Sara's mouth dropped open slightly.

"I was making a joke. I didn't think you'd have carnivorous and poisonous plants." Sara said weakly and earning a flat look from the boy.

"Ivy is pretty much an _assassin_ for ACME and a lot of times her targets have to look like they died natural or accidental deaths. She's good at using the poisonous plants for natural deaths and the carnivorous ones for accidental. A targets jogging near some woods and ends up stepping into the path of the African Strangler…as long as she's careful where she uses it then no one thinks anything of it." Zack said making Sara wilt a bit, she had tried to forget the part of the seventeen year old being a killer…a professional killer at that.

"Moving on. That's the gym over there which comes with an indoor pool and holographic training room. That room is the library, that one is the entertainment room, over there is the hobby room. We got most everything there for almost every hobby. Photography, drawing, clay making… everything but gardening. That's what the greenhouse is for." Zack said pointing out each room as they were walking past the spaciously placed doors.

"Gym?" Dara perked up at that word while Hannah was looking between the hobby room and the entertainment room.

"Ivy designed that room mostly. Have at anything in there but the holographic training room requires the passcode from me or Ivy and the harder levels require Ivy's code. She doesn't let me use em cause they're really dangerous but if you ask her she might let you try out the weaker levels and then if you do good on em she'll probably let you do the stronger levels." Zack said nodding and earning a curious look from Carmen. Oh? Really dangerous holographic training courses. Interesting.

"Let's finish the tour and then you can do whatever you want but supper should be done soon." Zack said smiling up at them as he led the women downstairs again, he still hadn't let go of Carmen and Sara's hands. He didn't even think of it really, and they knew he didn't notice or care. He was just naturally affectionate it seemed.

"That's the living room where we usually hang out and relax and all if we don't feel like going upstairs to the entertainment room. That's the dining room through there for the big or formal meals and meetings. There's the less formal dining room for when it's just family and friends and all. The foyer for visitors is over through that door. That room is Ivy's private study, she didn't mention it earlier but trust me you don't want to go in there." Zack said frowning at the door that he stopped to glare at. It was a simple brown wooden door nothing special about it at all but Zack seemed to glare at it as if it were dangerous and evil.

"You don't like that room?" Hannah asked making Zack give her a frown and a shake of her head. Dara stepped forward as if to investigate, her curiosity in override. So the girls study wasn't off limits but seemed to be hiding some dark secrets huh?

"That's where all of her _Valkyrie_ missions were given to her." Zack said quietly and at that the curious Dara stepped away from the door she had been approaching. They could almost _see_ the blood that was soaking the door now.

"I see." Carmen frowned at the door. She'd have to break in later just to see who and what kind of people Ivy were sent after and _why_ only a not even seventeen year old girl had been the only one who was sent after them.

"Moving on that is the kitchen, aka Ivy's sanctuary. Don't try to go in without permission from Ivy. She will throw knives at you, kick your ass, throw you out the window into the snow, and then threaten to turn you into her bitch… those are just from within the last _four_ _hours_." Zack said amused as he looked pointedly at Tatyanna who grinned from nearby.

"It's fun. Besides I'm Russian. This little snowfall does not bother me." Tatyanna said proudly and shrugging slightly.

"She's going to end up stabbing you." Aileen said shaking her head at the Russian who glanced at the doorway and raised an eyebrow.

"And she will look very hot doing it I'm sure. Even if she _is_ wearing a Christmas sweater and Pikachu socks." Tatyanna said causing Aileen to snort while Jasmine grinned.

"Don't diss the sweater or I'm gonna come in there and beat your fucking head in with my goddamn frying pan you Russian skank!" Ivy yelled from the kitchen making the VILE women jump a bit although Carmen's was less noticeable than the others.

"Forget the sweater and socks, do you see those leather pants on her? All those flying kicks she uses when fighting makes her legs look hella fine." Jasmine said earning a hum and nod from Tatyanna while Aileen blushed brightly at this and put her hand over her eyes.

"Please don't tell me you two are going to be talking about Ivy's legs and ass again? You both had an hour long discussion on it yesterday." Aileen said with a bit of a whine to her voice as she looked at the two of them pleadingly.

"Ah now if only we weren't having a discussion on it and instead actual _were_ on her ass." Tatyanna said with a sigh while Aileen blushed brighter as Jasmine gave an agreeing noise. Hannah was bright red at this as she tried to duck her head into the fluffy jacket she was now wearing, Carmen merely had one eyebrow raised with a smirk on her face, Sara was looking at the teens and then just started snickering and Dara? She was laughing loudly.

"I can hear you and I can tell you both now I'm the one who _always_ tops!" Ivy called back to them earning a considering hum from the Jamaican detective.

"Sounds just like college doesn't it?" Sara asked bumping her shoulder with Carmen who raised an eyebrow at her.

"Let's see…young foreign adult with an accent commenting on one of her friends legs and ass in leather pants…yeah sounds a lot like you in college." Carmen said making Sara blush slightly but send her a look.

"Yeah and I wonder who the one who always tops back then was?" Sara needled her friend who snorted and moved one hand to shove Sara in the shoulder playfully.

"Bitch you know I don't lay on my back for no damn body." Carmen said relaxing around the detectives and her two other henchmen a bit.

"I remember I had you on your back once." Sara said snickering and earning a snort from Carmen.

"Your dumb ass got drunker than a fucking skunk, decided I needed a hug and damn near tackled me to the floor trying to give me one while I was trying to keep you from getting to your lab." Carmen said unimpressed and earning a snicker from Zack who was still in-between them holding their hands. Between the two much taller women he looked kind of like a kid holding his parents hands in the parking lot.

"I don't even remember that. I was talking about the time you got shot in the shoulder and refused to go to an actual hospital or doctor." Sara said frowning at that while Carmen thought back.

"Oh yeah, back when you gave me morphine and I demanded cuddles because I'd be crippled otherwise." Carmen said remembering that now, her mind had been fuzzy as hell and she was higher than a kite on that morphine.

"You were a clingy bitch." Sara said although she was grinning to show she didn't mean anything by it.

"Just a bitch? Sara dear I am _the_ bitch." Carmen said with a faux haughty accent that had Zack trying to hold back his laugh unsuccessfully, especially since a loud snort could be heard from the kitchen.

"Now you sound like Ivy." Jasmine said with a grin as she looked at the older woman who just raised an eyebrow.

"Of course I do. Note what my sweater says kid." Carmen said motioning with her free hand down to the sweater she wore, causing all three of the female detectives to look at it and begin snickering hard.

"Show em the back." Sara encouraged her boss and best friend who turned slightly so they could read the words on the back. Jasmine damn near howled in laughter and Aileen was trying to suppress her giggling as Tatyanna snickered hard.

"Well it's not like its _wrong_. Congrats you got an ass load of kids now." Tatyanna said dryly and making Carmen pause for a second before she smirked.

"As long as I'm not popping them out of my ass." Carmen settled for saying that making Zack frown.

"I may not be a girl but I'm pretty sure that the babies don't pop out of your ass. Sex ed taught me that much." Zack said causing a choking sound to come from Carmen, Sara, and the kitchen. Dara was nearly bent double in laughter and poor Hannah was so red she looked like a tomato.

"Zack? Who the hell taught you that word?" Ivy asked appearing at the kitchen doorway and staring at her brother horrified.

"Sex ed is mandatory for seventh graders Ives. I'm _fourteen_ …I know where babies come from." Zack said rolling his eyes at his sister while Carmen and Sara looked shocked.

"There's an actual class about sex in schools now? Damn why didn't they have that for us?" Sara asked pouting slightly at how unfair it was.

"Because the biggest slut on campus would teach anyone who wanted to learn for free and in private." Carmen said dryly as she regained her wits, causing Sara to think about it for a moment.

"Oh yeah, that one teacher-student pair right? Smith and Joyce or something like that? Didn't Joyce end up with like five kids from different dads and didn't even know who the dads were?" Sara asked tilting her head slightly as she thought about it.

"And Smith got most of his female students knocked up so they could get an easy A in his class. You were the only one who didn't I believe. Well I didn't either but I was only a student because I was undercover at the time." Carmen said nodding her head in agreement.

"Hurry up and finish up the tour Zack. I'll have supper done in five minutes. Tatyanna you and Aileen mind setting the tableware out in the small dining room? Jasmine I'm going to need a hand carrying the food to the table." Ivy said looking at the mentioned people and not minding the conversation between the two women for the moment. Not like she could say anything when she's said and heard much worse after all.

"Hey how come Jasmine gets to help carry the food?" Tatyanna asked pouting slightly and earning a flat look from Ivy.

"Because I can trust her not to sneak bites of everything when I'm not looking. Now move your tight Russian ass blondie." Ivy said dryly before she vanished back into the kitchen again, leaving Tatyanna to sulkily move to set out the tableware with Aileen.

"What was left of the tour Zack?" Dara asked looking at the boy while Hannah tried to calm down her raging blush.

"Well there's the laboratory in the basement that comes fully equipped with the newest scientific and technological equipment thanks to Ives…the workers are all gone for the holidays but they stay in the other wing of houses bedroom floor…the last thing I can think of would be the obstacle course Ivy has out back but you need her passcode and several other codes from her to get into it and get it to run." Zack said taking his hand from Sara's to point to the basement door and then out the window to the backyard.

"Huh think she'll let me have a go on it?" Carmen asked looking interested while Sara moved over to the basement door.

"Maybe after supper. You all can do whatever you want and if you want to do something with a passcode just find me or Ives. We'll usually agree as long as we think it's not too dangerous for you." Zack said making the thief give him an amused look.

"You do remember who you're talking to don't you?" Carmen asked amused at him thinking it'd be dangerous for her, the woman who could steal every national landmark and monument and get away with it if she wanted to.

"The crazy woman who is the unofficial mom of most ACME Junior detectives." Zack said bluntly and making Carmen blink slightly at that. She hadn't been expecting that remark.

Sara busted out laughing at Zacks next remark while Carmen gaped at the boy. Yeah he had a point that wasn't her brightest idea ever.

"And is the only person I know that's super smart and yet is fucking stupid enough to steal Benjamin Franklins key and get rid of all technology…when she _used_ technology to go back in time in the first damn place."


	3. Chapter 3

**Carmen Christmas**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Okay here's supper! Hope you like it." Ivy said with a smile as she bought out the last dish of food to set on the table where everyone else was already sitting.  
"Don't worry Hannah, there's no nuts in anything. And there's no strawberries or watermelon in the fruit so don't worry about that Professor, Aileen." Ivy said looking at the three that had allergies.

"Sorry if it was any trouble." Sara said smiling thankfully at the red head who sat at the head of the table and fixed her brothers plate with a stern look when the boy reached for the lemon bars first.

"No trouble at all. Zack you know better than to get one of the desserts first." Ivy scolded her brother who grinned and shrugged as his now full plate was handed to him while everyone else began filling their own plates.

"This is delicious Ivy! I wasn't aware you could cook so well." Carmen said her eyes widening as she ate a bit of the ham, the other VILE women letting out noises of agreement as they dug into their own food.

"You didn't ask." Ivy said shrugging and for five minutes there was only the sound of forks and knives scrapping the plates before a doorbell rang.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Dara asked looking at the teens who were looking confused while Ivy's eyes narrowed.

"No the only other guest isn't supposed to be here for four days. Stay here." Ivy said standing and pulling a gun that had been hidden at the small of her back to the others surprise and alarm.

"Ivy?" Zack asked looking at his sister worried, earning a grim smile as she ruffled his hair with her free hand.

"If you hear gunshots, get them to the safe-room until I come for you." Ivy ordered her brother who gave a resigned nod. Carmen placed a hand on Zack's shoulder and glanced at Sara who was sitting on her right side. The thief caught her friends eye and nodded at the door Ivy had left through.

"I'll keep an eye on her boss." Sara said standing and leaving to go after Ivy who had reached the door by now.

"Don't get yourself killed." Carmen ordered her scientist who gave a small smirk without even glancing back.

"Damnitt Sebastian! I nearly shot you!" Ivy could be heard yelling at the person at the door, making Zack relax a bit relieved.

"Sebastian is one of the butlers that usually stays here with us. He's been here ever since Ivy joined ACME." Zack said sounding relieved and looking more happy than anything as his sister cursed out the butler even as they walked to the kitchen.

"Professor Bellum? I thought I told everyone to wait there unless there were gunshots?" Ivy sounded confused by the woman being out in the hallway.

"Is this one of your guests mistress?" A cultured voice asked making Tatyanna choke slightly on her tea while Hannah nearly did a spit take with her hot chocolate. Aileen's face went bright red, Jasmine's mouth was opening and closing wordlessly and Dara was choking on her green beans.

"How many times have I told you not to call me that damnitt! It doesn't sound right!" Ivy shouted at the man earning a snicker from Zack, especially given the priceless look on Carmen's face at the mans words.

"My clothes are poison and bullet proof, given that there was a possible hostile I came to offer my assistance while Carmen and Dara stayed with the others. Who's your _other_ friend?" Sara asked as Ivy re-entered the dining room with the scientist, a tall man with gelled back jet black hair, pale skin, and an impeccable traditional English Butler's outfit right behind the red head.

"Do I want to know _why_ you have a known criminal in your house Detective? Make that four known criminals." Another voice said glaring at Sara as another man entered the room, this one Carmen knew personally, and looked at the other VILE agents.

"Well well if it isn't little Mattie. What are you doing here?" Carmen asked grinning at the man who glared at her as the other ACME agents looked shocked.

"I could ask you the same thing Sandiego." The man said near growling.

" _She_ was invited. You were _not_. What the fuck do you want Matthew?" Ivy asked coldly as she stared at the man who winced at this and looked at the red head.

"Ivy be nice! You know he's head of ACME." Jasmine hissed to her friend while Carmen raised an eyebrow.

"You're kidding me? The runt of the litter is the new Head honcho. Wow ACME must be really desperate." Carmen said half serious half mocking as she looked at the man who growled at her.

"I was not a runt and ACME is not desperate." Matthew said darkly and earning a snort from Carmen.

"This coming from the same one who could barely hold a knife the right way during basic training? You tried holding the knife by the _blade_ Mattie boy and don't get me started on the rest of our training days." Carmen said earning a snicker from Ivy.

"I can believe that. Mostly because he's not much better now." Ivy agreed with the thief while Matthew snarled and drew a gun, making everyone except Carmen and Ivy tense.

"You know how I hate guns Mattie." Carmen said with a sigh as if she were disappointed in the man, which she probably was.

"Matthew are you _threatening one of my guests_?" Ivy however had a nearly visible cloud of rage surrounded her as she glared at the man who paled at hearing that.

"Shall I remove him mistress?" The tall man in the butler outfit asked with a dark but smooth voice and a fixed polite smile on his face that seemed more mocking and dangerous than anything.

"I'm here because we need you for a job Ivy." Matthew said quickly as he holstered his gun making Ivy frown.

"All ACME agents are on holiday leave especially the Junior ones." Ivy said this in a bland tone as she repeated the fact while her eyes showed that she knew what was about to come next.

"It's not for Junior ACME detective Ivy. It's a mission suited for…" Here Matthew glanced at the others in the room making Ivy sigh slightly.

"I knew you were going to say that. Zack it looks like I might be late tonight, possibly going into tomorrow as well. I'll give you a more definite time frame after I know the details. Think you can look after our guests without me?" Ivy asked looking at her brother who frowned heavily and looked upset.

"Yeah I can look after them. Are you going to be alright?" Zack asked worriedly and making Ivy give him an obviously fake smile.

"Aren't I always?" She asked back making him scowl.

"Bangkok." He said pointedly making Ivy frown.

"That was only because of a bad communication error." Ivy said giving Matthew a slight glare.

"What about Cuba then?" Zack asked again making Ivy cross her arms over her chest.

"I fucking hate snipers." Ivy growled at that, earning a nod of agreement from Carmen.

"And Budapest?" Zack brought that up making Ivy's growl turn downright _feral_.

"Budapest. Never. Happened." Ivy said her tone dark and making Zack wince slightly.

"Are you going to get hospitalized, poisoned, stabbed, or shot?" Zack asked while the others eyes widened. It seemed only Zack, Carmen, and Sara had any clue that apparently this would be a _Valkyrie_ assignment.

"I'll tell you when I get back. Matthew my study? Sebastian do you mind cleaning up the mess after everyone's done with supper?" Ivy asked looking away from Matthew without waiting on his answer as she looked at Sebastian. The man gave her a pleasant smile as he placed one hand on his chest and bowed slightly.

"Of course mistress." Sebastian said immediately while Matthew followed Ivy from the room.

"That's the third time in two days she's done that." Zack said frowning slightly as he glanced at his sisters plate and then at the doorway.

"Had a Valkyrie mission?" Hannah asked gently earning a shake of the head from the boy.

"No…that's the third time in two days she didn't eat much of anything at all. She missed breakfast yesterday, and today she's missed lunch and most of dinner." Zack said making all of the women in the room frown before Zack looked next to him and blinked.

"Where did Carmen go?" He asked in disbelief, he had been sitting right next to her! How had she gotten up and left the room without him noticing?

"She followed Ivy. She didn't look happy with Matthew." Sara said crossing her arms with a scowl. She didn't look too happy either.

"If this Matthew guy is the one sending a seventeen year old on assassination missions I want a few words with him myself." Dara said growling slightly as she slammed one fist into her palm. Just thinking about what kind of mission Ivy was about to take had the others looking down and pushing away their plates.

"I'm not too hungry anymore." Hannah murmured as she pushed her plate away with an upset look on her face.

"I shall put the leftovers away if any become hungry later. The dishes shall be taken care of shortly." Sebastian said quickly whisking away the food and drinks from the table.

"Thanks Sebastian…I…I'm going to go wait for Ivy in the living room." Zack said standing up and moving to leave.

"Just one second young master. Mistress will be most displeased with me if you forget to take your medicine." Sebastian said appearing before Zack with a bow and holding out two small white pills for the boy in one gloved hand.

"Oh right. Thanks Sebastian you're a life saver. You know you don't have to call me master though right?" Zack asked with a weak smile as he took the pills and the offered glass of water, swallowing them down easily.

"I am the head butler young master, as such I need to set a proper example for the rest of the staff. Besides that…after what you and the mistress have done for me…I can never bring myself to be so…informal with you." Sebastian said softly as he finished cleaning the table at almost inhuman speeds and took them all to the kitchen.

"I think there's a story there." Sara said looking at Zack and then at the kitchen doorway.

"Let's go to the living room first." Zack said quietly as he moved back to the hallway that connects to the living room.

"You got some serious decorating skills half-pint." Dara said changing the subject for a minute as they walked into the living room. It was elegant and homey all at the same time. There was a large L shaped couch, a couple of end tables besides smaller recliners, one long coffee table, a fireplace, a few book shelves, and a large TV on the wall above the fireplace. The walls were all a dark almost red colored wood and so was the book shelves while the couch and recliners were a grey color.

"Thanks, but the color for the walls and bookshelves were Ivy's idea, and the coffee table was Sebastian's suggestion after my initial sketch." Zack said sitting down on the couch and the other women sitting around the room. Hannah and Aileen were sitting on either side of Zack, Sara took one of the recliners that was a bit farther way, Tatyanna was on Aileen's other side and Jasmine was sitting on the other half of the couch with Dara.

"So what's the story?" Jasmine asked making Zack frown a bit.

"I don't know the full story, only Sebastian and Ivy do and they don't like to talk about it. Considering that she met him on one of her earlier assignments…I don't want to pry and push." Zack said making the others wince slightly and agree. They didn't want to think about what could have happened on an assassination that resulted in that kind of loyalty.

"What I do know is that Ivy had been sent to investigate and possibly destroy a cult of some kind in Europe, she was never more specific than that. She was gone for three days and when she came back Sebastian came with her. She told me that he had been captured by the cult for a while, he had no family and he needed a home. So we gave him one, and he insisted on repaying us back so he became our butler." Zack said frowning and making the others look a bit surprised at hearing about a cult that had an assassination carried out on them.

"They were kidnapping and sacrificing other people to try and summon some kind of demon. I was going to end it on the second day but I was still young and inexperienced. One of them took me by surprise before I knew that my cover was burned and knocked me out. When I came too they were about to do the ritual, I got free of my binds and got rid of them all. The only one of the prisoners left alive was Sebastian who had been held by them for over ten years. Apparently they thought he had some kind of connection to the demon because of his albino skin and red eyes." Ivy spoke from the doorway, causing everyone to jump and spin to look at her.

"He was malnourished, heavily damaged by their attempts to 'draw out the demon' and had no one he could go to for help. I brought him home and Zack and I took care of him until he was back to full health and then he wanted to pay us back so he became our butler. He's a damn good one too." Ivy said as she stepped into the room for a brief moment but staying near the doorway.

"Zack did you take your medicine?" Ivy asked changing the subject as she stared at her brother.

"Yeah Sebastian reminded me and made sure I did it." Zack said nodding and earning a smile from Ivy.

"Good. I have to leave in five minutes but I should be back by tomorrow morning if this mission is as easy as it seems…which I highly doubt. I'll try to be back before noon tomorrow however and I'll use our code to tell you if I'm injured." Ivy said glancing at her wrist watch and making a few of the agents frown when they noticed her ACME watch wasn't on her wrists anymore.

"I can't use any ACME contacts or equipment. C-5 is only to get there and get back since I'll be going to China this time. Sorry I have to leave so suddenly but duty calls ladies. Zack you're mainly in charge but I'm sure Sara and Carmen have their own ideas. Be nice and if you need help then Sebastian apparently decided to stay for the holidays instead of going back to Europe to look for leads." Ivy said making Zack frown but nod while Sara crossed her arms over her chest. The scientist bit her lip for a moment, she wanted to say something. Offer her help in the assassination or something but…the words just didn't come out.

"We'll behave." Sara finally managed to say something but it wasn't what she wanted to say.

"I have a few VILE agents in China that can assist with getting you anywhere you need to go. Give them this card and those not gone to spend more time with their families will be at your beck and call." Carmen said producing a card from thin air as she appeared behind Ivy without a sound.

"It's appreciated but unnecessary. Zack I'll be taking the wings with me. Have a nice night all. Don't wait up." Ivy said smiling at Carmen and then smiling at Zack before Sebastian appeared from the basement laboratory with something in his hands.

"The wings sis? Is this going to be one of your flying missions?" Zack asked looking worried as his sister allowed Sebastian to attach the device to Ivy's back.

"Classified I'm afraid." Ivy said without skipping a beat as she walked out the house. The others began to follow her and stopped at the doorway as Ivy seemed to push something on the device. Instantly metal armor covered her from head to toe and a pair of large mechanical wings with glowing blue 'feathers' sprouted from her back. Her eyes were covered by a stylish blue visor, leaving just her mouth and nose visible since the armor literally covered every bit of her upper face and head down to her neck.

"Night." Ivy said with a wave, although her voice sounded more…mechanical somehow. More sultry as well.

"What?" Sara was shocked and awestruck at the armor and wings as a C-5 portal opened up right behind Ivy who had flapped her wings a few times and became airborne. The C-5 looked different however, instead of blue it seemed black with streaks of red.

"It's her wings and armor. After she was hospitalized thanks to the slash marks on her back…I holed myself up in the lab for nearly a week and built her some armor that's locked to her specifically. She can activate the armor without the Fly device easily but the wings need the Fly device to show up. I only made the wings about…a year after the armor and I haven't fully incorporated them both into the nano-tech that allows Ivy to use it so well." Zack said by way of explanation as Ivy flew into the portal and it closed behind her immediately.

"You built that? By yourself?" Sara asked staring at the boy shocked and in slight awe. That armor and device looked amazing!

"Well yeah…why? Do you want some armor too? It won't be like Ivy's but I can make some for you too if you want." Zack offered and immediately found himself pulled into Sara's arms as the mad scientist gave a squeal/cackle mix.

"Boss I'm calling dibs! I'm keeping him!" Sara claimed as she hugged the boy close. Such a level of genius and engineering was nearly unheard of!

Carmens voice was as cold as the snow outside as she closed the door and turned around, glaring at the man behind the group with glacial blue eyes.

Even Sara settled down realizing how serious this was at her boss's words.

"We'll see about that later Sara. Right now…I think we need to have a discussion Mattie boy."


	4. Chapter 4

**Carmen Christmas**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Start talking. Why are you sending a seventeen year old out on an assassination mission? Why the hell did you send out a _fourteen_ year old on those kinds of missions?" Carmen demanded glaring darkly at the man before her who gave her a semi-arrogant sneer but made sure to stay out of her zone of reach.

"None of your business Sandiego and definitely nothing you were _ever_ classified to learn, much less anyone else here." Matthew said glaring at the thief who did not look impressed with his answer and instead just looked more furious.

"Take your classifications and shove them up your ass. I just saw a seventeen year old go on a killing mission and heard how she's been sent on those since she was fourteen at the least. I want to know _why_." Carmen said her voice brokering no argument as her eyes resembled ice at the moment.

"That's above your classification…I will tell you this though. She's been doing those missions since she was ten years old not fourteen. She is…uniquely suited for it in a way no one else ever was." Matthew said allowing them that much information and making Carmen look downright _murderous_.

"I will give you to the count of ten to get the fuck out of here and run. You know about my views of children Matt. You just admitted you sent a _ten year old child_ on an assassination mission. _Run_." Carmen growled out and she looked more dangerous than the detectives had ever seen her, even if she was wearing a sweater and pair of jeans instead of her usual ensemble. Matthew shivered and paled when she said 'Matt' instead of 'Mattie' which had _always_ been her nickname for him ever since they were rookies.

"Ivy knows how to contact me when she's back. Merry Christmas." Matthew immediately booked it out the door and into a hastily opened C-5 as Carmen began counting.

"Why'd you let him go boss? I wanted to beat his face in." Dara said pouting as the C-5 closed and she was still clenching her fists. Carmen's had shadowed her eyes as they glinted dangerously in the light.

"Matthew was always an arrogant son of a bitch with a knack for planning but not very skilled with weapons or improvisation. The _only_ reason he's the head honcho and acting as the one giving Ivy missions is if someone else is pulling his strings like a puppet. As soon as I find out who it is…" Carmen trailed off for a second as she glares at where the C-5 had been, her hands twitching as if to hit or strangle something.

"I get my human test subject?" Sara piped in with a smirk.

"For the most painful and dangerous experiments." Carmen agreed making Sara give a maniac grin that honestly scared Aileen and Tatyanna but didn't faze Zack.

"Mind if I help?" Zack piped up looking up at the two taller women who both stared at him in surprise, along with the others.

"This is the same person who makes my sister go on missions where she gets shot, stabbed, poisoned, broken bones, and internal damage. My sister hasn't gotten more than two or three hours of sleep a night ever since she was _ten_ because of the things she's seen and done on these missions. I want to help punish the one responsible." Zack said his tone dark and his eyes darker as Dara finally had the presence of mind to close the door and stop letting the cold in.

"Like I said. Dibs." Sara said grinning as she hugged Zack again, looked like she had a building buddy and a science buddy in general.

"Last I checked I was the one wearing the 'mom' sweater." Carmen said amused as she pointed down at her shirt while Zack nodded his head in agreement.

"Yep. Carmen's pretty much the mom of the group, Professor Bellum is the crazy but fun aunt." Zack piped up and moved to hug Carmen who looked surprised but didn't resist the hug as she stared down at him for a moment.

"What about the rest of us?" Tatyanna asked amused and earning a small hum of thought from the smallest of the group.

"Hannah is the superstitious big sister, Dara's the protective kick ass aunt, Aileen's kind of like the fun cousin we get to see on occasion…" Zack said before looking at Tatyanna and Jasmine with a flat look.

"You two are the crazy ones who have huge crushes on my sister despite the fact that she's not interested in dating at the moment and can kick your asses across the ocean and back before the marshmallows in her hot chocolate melt." Zack said giving them both a flat deadpanned look and earning snickers from Dara and Aileen.

"Well he's not wrong." Jasmine admitted after a moment and earning a nod from the Russian blond next to her.

"Hey Ivy is _hot_. Did you see her yesterday running that training course in the gym? Just wearing that tube top and pair of shorts?" Tatyanna asked her eyes glazing over a bit and earning an affirmative hum from Jasmine whose mouth seemed to water a bit as she brought that memory up.

"Bad girls. Down." Carmen said reaching forward and smacking them both upside the head lightly. Well lightly for her.

"Ow!" Tatyanna yelped with a whine while Jasmine rubbed her head with a grimace.

"She acts just like my mom." Jasmine muttered with a small pout and making Carmen smirk since she heard her loud and clear.

"Read the shirt kiddies." Carmen said earning a pout from the Jamaican detective and a giggle from Aileen.

"She's not going to stop mothering Zack and Ivy now is she?" Tatyanna asked the other two detectives who shook their heads.

"Of course not. After all…they're my favorite detectives." Carmen said smiling fondly as she wrapped her arms around Zack who was still hugging her. The boy _beamed_ up at her for this.

"You should have seen what she did when she found out one of the henchmen actually had a gun on him during one heist. She was furious at him at first, but then when she saw him _actually_ pull it on Ivy…" Dara shivered as she recalled that, earning a pale face from Hannah while Sara looked stupefied.

"Is he still alive?" Sara asked staring at her boss who just gave an evil grin that had the ACME detectives aside from Zack backing up.

"Boss didn't even have the time to get to him first. Ivy had taken the gun from his hand and twisted it so that the barrel was crushed, all that without ever moving her gaze from his eyes. I swear the guy was about to shit himself." Dara said cackling a little now although Carmen frowned for a brief second.

That should have been a major clue that something was different about Ivy.

Why had she ignored it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Carmen Christmas**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

Carmen frowned as she entered the living room at almost three in the morning and looked at Zack. The poor boy had fallen asleep on the couch waiting on his sister to come home.

"Oh Zack." Carmen's voice was soft and even motherly as she covered him with a blanket and then sat down on the couch beside him, carefully moving his head so that it would lay on her lap.

"You shouldn't have to deal with knowing about the bad side of the world. You and your sister both should be happy and safe and loved and only have to deal with schools and dating and chasing me around the world on safe educational heists." Carmen said her voice a soft motherly whisper as she ran her fingers through his short blond hair.

"I appreciate the sentiment but I'm more interested in making sure that Zack doesn't end up like I did than I am in dating." Ivy's voice was soft and had an apologetic inflection to it as Carmen jumped slightly, but not enough that Zack woke up.  
"Mama stop it." Zack mumbled as he snuggled closer to Carmen's stomach, earning a surprised look from the thief.

Sure the others and even she herself had been making mom jokes or joking about her being their mom all day but this wasn't a joke or even thought of as one. In the mostly sleep state Zack was in he truly thought of Carmen as his mom.

Carmen's throat was a bit tight as she stared down at the blond boy with suspiciously wet eyes.

"He loves you like a mother, honestly I kind of think of you as a mother figure as well." Ivy said her voice soft as she stepped into the living room, her metal armor covered in bloodstains that seemed to transfer to her skin as the strange almost glowing metal receded.

"And Zack said you'd be the one to get all embarrassed about it." Carmen said her voice a whisper as she stared down at the boy in her lap who looked much younger when asleep, which was saying something since he was only fourteen.

"I'm not as good at emotions as Zack. I'll admit this no problem, but usually when I get all embarrassed and all about things it's so he sees I can still feel emotions." Ivy said smiling softly as she stepped into the room and watched Carmen as she ran her fingers through Zack's hair.

"Saying facts however never embarrasses me, and me seeing you as a mother figure is a fact even though you aren't old enough to be my mother." Ivy said moving over to sit next to Carmen's other side, only to pause at the blood stains on her face and arms… and probably all over her body given the splatters.

"Is any of that yours?" Carmen asked worried as she eyed the blood on Ivy's body.

"Nah. Suit proceed with self-clean." Ivy said causing there to be a subtle hissing sound from her body as all the blood evaporated and Ivy appeared cleaner than she was before.

"Good thing about the nano-techs and all. Cleans up any stains before Zack has to see me covered in blood again." Ivy said with a wink as she sat down on Carmen's other side.

"You just got home now…do I even want to know who or how?" Carmen asked earning a grimace from the red head.

"Turns out some sex traffickers had grabbed the daughter of some high up politician. I needed to make an example out of them, it'll probably be on the morning news. I appreciate you want us to be safe and living normal happy lives… but I've been up to my teeth in the underworld since I was ten. I try to keep Zack out of it as much as I can however." Ivy said with a small yawn as she leaned against Carmen who looked at her surprised and a bit upset.

"You shouldn't have to be." Carmen murmured quietly as she ran her free hand through Ivy's short almost spiky red hair. Ivy near purred as she leaned into the touch, cuddling into Carmen's side.

"You must be exhausted. Zack says you don't sleep much but go ahead and try to catch a few hours at least." Carmen said softly and earning a hum from the red head.

"Night mama." Ivy said with a small yawn while Carmen looked surprised but then smiled herself.

"Night baby girl. Night baby boy." Carmen said kissing Ivy's forehead and then Zack's. Ivy had a small smile on her face as she fell asleep immediately, and watching Zack for a second she smiled when she noticed he was smiling as well.

"I don't mind you two seeing me as your mother. I see you both as my babies, that's why I try so hard to keep you from getting hurt." Carmen whispered as she took her hand from Zack's hair and pulled the blanket on the couch behind her down on top of Ivy.

"I'm not old enough to be your birth mother… but I certainly don't mind being your adoptive mother. I love you both so much." Carmen murmured finally admitting that to herself and to them, even if they were asleep at the moment.

"Go to sleep mama." Ivy said making Carmen blush brightly at learning that the girl was still awake.

"This part of the couch pulls out like a recliner. You can lay back comfortably and go to sleep. Night mama." Ivy said with a smirk as Carmen found the lever and laid back the chair.

"Night baby girl." Carmen said softly despite the fact that her cheeks were as red as her usual coat and hat at Ivy hearing her quiet admittance.

Carmen closed her eyes with one of the couch pillows behind her head as she fell asleep. She fell asleep with Zack's head pillowed on her stomach and the boy curled into her left side, while Ivy had her head pillowed on Carmen's legs as the girl curled up on her right side.

She never heard the quiet whisper from the doorway as the low lighting was cut off.

"Good night young mistress, young master. Good night to your new mother as well."


	6. Chapter 6

**Carmen Christmas**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Sara I will shove that camera up your ass." Carmen growled as she cracked one eye open the next morning to glare at the scientist who was snapping pictures of the cuddle pile between the thief and the blond detective. Noticing that one of 'her children' were missing, Carmen nearly bolted straight up as she looked for Ivy.

"Mama." Zack whined as he snuggled closer, his head burying into Carmen's stomach from its place on her lap while Carmen was looking around rapidly.

"Where's my daughter?" Carmen demanded looking for Ivy who was _not there_. Her eyes were taking in everything around her as she tried to find her daughter or figure out where she was. She had been sleeping on Carmen's lap and Carmen was a light sleeper. How had the girl gotten up or taken away without it waking Carmen in the process? The other ACME agents blinked for a moment and Dara paused for just a few seconds at the question.

"Ivy's in the kitchen making breakfast boss." Hannah didn't bat an eye however and neither did Sara.

"Daughter?" Jasmine asked surprised at the term that Carmen used for Ivy.

"Boss hadn't even realized that she nearly adopted those two after that case where they first worked together to try and catch her and managed to leave a picture of stick figures in place of the 'masterpieces' she had stolen." Sara said with a slight snicker, Carmen still had that stick figure drawing around her room somewhere.

"Glad to see she finally realized it." Hannah said in agreement with a smile on her face, she was happy for her boss.

"You two knew?" Carmen asked looking at them both surprised and earning a snort from Sara.

"I've known you for almost ten years. When I saw you keep the drawing and even put it up on one of your walls I knew that they were yours." Sara said dismissively and earning a surprised look from Zack while Carmen blushed a bit. So she thought that the two of them outwitting her and leaving her a 'cave drawing' in place of her masterpiece was hilarious and touching. Sue her.

"I pieced it together while on the capers with you. You make sure no one gets hurt yes but you also take extra care to make sure nothing happens to those two while making it more like a game than a chase. Not to mention when I saw your reaction the _one_ time one of the idiots decided to get physically violent with the kids." Hannah said with a shiver at the end making Sara pause and then pale horrified at the thought. Dara just shivered a bit in terror.

"You mean that idiot that Ivy beat to hell and back after breaking the knife he cut her with before mom got her hands on him?" Zack asked making Carmen nod her head as the boy finally deigned to get up and stretch slightly so as to wake up properly.

"How badly did you kill him?" Sara asked looking at her boss horrified and worried, there was no way Carmen had let the man go with anything less than two or three broken bones. Where had she been when this happened?

"There is no evidence." Carmen said without hesitation or even thinking about it as she stretched slightly as well to work out the kinks. She wasn't getting younger after all, although her capers left her in great physical condition.

"Where was I when this happened?" Sara asked confused and earning a small shrug from Carmen.

"You were with Al and Ira running an op in Europe at the time, and this happened during that voyage in Africa a few weeks ago." Carmen said earning a nod of understanding from the scientist.

"That explains why you were nearly breathing fire when you came back to the base." Dara said making Sara snort slightly along with Hannah.

"Should I get the tequila and a candle?" Tatyanna asked perking up slightly and earning _looks_ from the others.

"Leave it to the Russian to think of that immediately." Jasmine said with a snort only to splutter when Ivy stepped out of the kitchen with a lit candle and a bottle of quality tequila in her hands.

"Fire breathing one oh one. Never let the Russian make the first move and forget the stereotypes." Ivy quipped right back as she handed the tequila to Carmen and put the candle on the table.

"Why would I want to do fire breathing this early in the morning?" Carmen asked looking at Ivy in disbelief and making her smirk.

"If you don't I will." Ivy said earning looks from everyone for that, out of them only Zack knew she was very talented with most things involving liquor. Pretty easy to be when her alcohol tolerance was off the charts.

"Do it!" Dara, Tatyanna, and Zack encouraged immediately as they ginned at Ivy who took a pull of the tequila and then breathed out the candle to make the fire go towards the fire place, lighting some of the old newspapers and wooden blocks on fire.

"Awesome!" Aileen said her eyes widening and sparkling slightly as she stared at the stunt. She so wanted to learn how to do that.

"Baby pyro." Ivy said with a snort as she ruffled Aileen's hair while the others stared at her for a second.

"I'm not a pyro!" Aileen whined as she pouted up at Ivy.

"How many ways do you know to set the table on fire with the things in this room?" Ivy asked seemingly at random and making Zack snicker.

"Fourteen." Aileen didn't even bat an eye before she realized what she said and glared sulkily up at Ivy who smirked.

"I count seventeen." Sara said humming slightly as she observed the room at large and earning a glance from Ivy.

"Okay. Well there's actually no less than twenty different ways to do that. Aileen's a baby pyro, Professor Bellum's just a pyro." Ivy said dryly and causing Sara to shrug slightly. She was a nut case in most people's opinion and she knew it. She just didn't care.

"You can drop the professor part and all. Just call me Sara or Aunt Sara if you prefer." Sara said looking at Ivy and then at Zack who both looked at her.

"Aunt?" Jasmine questioned the term causing Sara to nod her head towards Carmen.

"I've known that kleptomaniac for almost a decade. She's my boss and practically my sister. She's adopted you two which makes you both her kids, which makes me your aunt." Sara said by way of explanation and making Zack smile brightly up at her while Ivy merely nodded slightly in understanding.

"Well as amazing and chaotic as our ever expanding family is, breakfast is ready and Sebastian finished setting the table two minutes ago. Let's get something to eat." Ivy said ushering everyone to the dining room where the table was set up and the food was placed in an eye pleasing display.

"Are you going to be going to your lab after breakfast Zack?" Ivy asked looking at her brother as they all began to eat.

"Yeah I'm nearly done with working in the electromagnetic shielding and the holographic projector into the Flight armor. After I get that done I can work on putting it into nanotech and upgrading it to you directly for when you're not using the wings." Zack said nodding his head and earning a nod from Ivy.

"This sounds like an interesting project. Do you want some help?" Sara asked looking at Zack and earning a blink and then a wide grin from the boy.

"I'd love some! It's hard to find someone who can keep up with or help me in the lab when I'm working on a project and can't answer all of their questions and all at the moment. You're a genius though so you should be able to keep up and maybe even add some things that I hadn't thought of!" Zack said happily and excited and causing Ivy to reach over and gently bonk him on the head with a single knuckle.

"No experiments or projects until after you finish eating and take your medicine." Ivy said sternly and making Zack calm down and nod his head.

"Yes Ivy. What are you guys going to be doing after breakfast though?" Zack asked looking at the others who all just seemed unsure.

"I'll be heading to the entertainment room. I saw a game in there yesterday that I've been wanting to try." Aileen said brightly and earning a look from Hannah.

"Do you mind if I go with you? I have no clue what I'm going to do." Hannah asked earning a smile from the Hawaiian Native.

"What about you Ivy?" Dara asked looking at the hostess of the mansion who hummed for a second.

"I'll be running a few drills and courses for a while. I noticed something off with some of my abilities yesterday and wanted to make sure that everything was okay." Ivy said finally as she swallowed the food in her mouth.

"Oh I'm definitely going to watch you then. Are you going to be wearing the tank top and shorts again?" Tatianna asked her eyes wide and her grin wider as she looked at Ivy who snorted slightly.

"I'll be wearing workout cloths and possibly my armor if what I suspect is happening is what's happening." Ivy said making Jasmine grin widely as well as she hurried to finish eating so that she could follow Ivy to the gym.

"I wanna check out this gym of yours so that's where I'll probably be." Dara said earning a nod from Ivy while Carmen glanced between her two children.

"I'll be with one of you two. I won't be much help in a science lab however so I'll likely be with Ivy and check in on Zack and Sara every once in a while." Carmen finally said earning nods from both of her kids before Zack pulled Sara into a discussion with a lot of technical and scientific lingo that left even Carmen confused.

"Sebastian will be making sure that you two take regular breaks, eat, and get something to drink." Ivy said dryly to the two scientists who glanced up at her and nodded slightly before going back to their discussion.

Everyone focused on talking with each other or eating their breakfast and almost no one noticed when Ivy's hand rubbed her chest near her collarbone with a wince on the red heads face.

Almost no one.

Dara had noticed and resolved to bring it up with the girl later or at least inform Carmen about it.


End file.
